Honestly?

I've been working on Chinese Visas this week.  Well, I'm supposed to be working on them. I'm having SUCH a hard time getting started, what is that about? Am I having second thoughts?  Do I want to back out of this?

NO! NO! NO!

I'm sure that my reluctance has something to do with sending MORE money out, something to do with MORE paperwork, something to do with feeling pressure that every page of the Visa paperwork has to be perfect (it does, if it's not then it just heaps MORE stress on a situation in which the camel's back is ready to snap at any given moment,) AND in order to receive our Visas we have to send our passports WITH the paperwork. I do NOT have warm, fuzzy feelings about any postal service, lately.  Seriously, I'm still dealing with UPS' last screw-up.

My reluctance also has to do with it being FOR REAL this time. I mean all this paperwork and stuff has been boring and long and etc. but it's been PAPERWORK - stuff I can do from the privacy and COMFY of my own home. I mean, geez, if it gets to be too much I can always go take a nap.

CHINESE VISAS mean:
that I am about to have to leave the COMFY of my own home,
tote a LOT of luggage,
deal with my two hellion-resembling sons in a hotel for TWO WEEKS,
(and on two god-awfully LONG LONG LONG plane rides - I refuse to even think about the ones in-country,)
in a foreign country where I don't know the language...

...and where, if we actually leave our hotel, I'll have to use squat toilets -apparently, affectionately called by the initiated, "squatty potties." hahahahaha  (Don't click on that link if you're squeamish or easily offended. For most people of the western hemisphere this is a "laugh or cry" situation, this guys chooses to laugh but really, I'm serious, avoid it if you're gonna be mad at me for the rest of your life for what it says.)  I am not a total wuss, I have used outhouses many times. What I am is a klutzy mess and that squat toilet thing just makes me wonder how many different ways that I can fall in, on top of, what should be FAR FAR FAR away from me. I am gonna have to strip down totally naked to use this thing, believe me. (In fact, my absolute knowledge that this is gonna be a disaster comes from my real-life "adventures" in the woods.  "You just cop a squat."  Um, yeah. YOU might.)

And, this one is clean-er.

Oh, and did I mention that I am WAY allergic to cigarette smoke? 31 % of the Chinese population smokes and they have a LARGE population, who smoke everywhere, all the time.

I've also heard that is culturally acceptable to SPIT wherever you may be - inside, outside, doesn't matter, just let one fly!

I think I'm freaking out a tad.

I mean, c'mon, I am sure that Americans have equally as intimidating procedures and rituals for non-Americans. I am sure that tourists world-wide get home from their trip to the States and say to their friends and family, "You will NEVER believe...!"  However, I'm used to our nasty stuff and I'm just not looking forward to the culture shock of other people's nasty stuff.

(I AM sorta looking forward to hearing what Middle Child and Wild Child have to say about squat toilets. It'll probably be along the lines of  "COOL! Can we have one at our house?" Oh, a thousand times NO! And then, my head will spin right off my body.)

Then, there's the whole subject of clothes.  I think Q-Boo wears size 18 - 24 months and I think the sweet spot for her shoe size is about an infant 5 or 6.

I think.

(Oh please, do not do the cultural Chinese "shave her head thing" for summer, before we get there. I have so MANY bows.)

She also has a catheter coming out of her bellybutton which is connected to a urine bag. How does THAT fit into what I'm thinking about her clothing?  CAN she wear pants, CAN she wear a dress? Should whatever she wears be way too big to accommodate her "extras?" I mean, I have seen pictures of her in clothes but they do look very large, is that because they have to be?  Maybe, I'll just give up and bring a big towel to wrap her in.

Kidding.

I have also been warned about well-meaning Chinese grandmas who will very quickly admonish you to cover your child up if she's not COVERED from head to toe, even on the hottest of days (I'm on the hunt for cute tights and cute sweater-type things.) Q-Boo is from a very hot province but she's not used to indoor air conditioning. No matter how much we may SWEAT, it may be hard to keep her warm, particularly inside the chilly westernized hotels.  It's beginning to look like the poor sweetie may burn up when we go outside and freeze when we're inside. <sigh>

I'm loving tights with polka dots.

We haven't even gotten to the "real" stuff, the emotional stuff (the other stuff is the peripheral stuff, the stuff that doesn't really matter... except that, honestly, it does) - a new daughter, bonding issues, my overwhelming joy, her overwhelming grief, fear,confusion, etc. - when I'm not in the COMFY of my own home.

Have I mentioned that I like the COMFY of my house?  Once or twice? I do.

Already I'm stressing out that something will be wrong with our paperwork and, even after we go through the China trip and adopting her and all the China stuff, immigration for some reason won't let us back into the US when we finally get home.

I've  repeatedly told K-Man that he will have a photo op and to be prepared for it. I WILL kiss the ground as soon as we pass through immigration with Lyric (she automatically becomes a US citizen at that moment.) 'Cause only then will it really be over.  Knowing me, I will also probably begin to sob uncontrollably as the weight of the last 17 or 18 months finally slides off my shoulders. It won't be a "pretty" photo op, anyway.

(Can you imagine the look on Q-Boo's face at that moment? Who ARE these people? <giggle> Hey, Q! We're your new mom and dad!  hahahahaha)

So, it is now time to tell myself what I already know:

STOP!
A-Girl, breathe.
This is the end of a long process that you CHOSE.
You do not HAVE to do this. You WANT to do this.
At the end is Lyric.

Lyric.

All is well.

It really is.

(P.S. Things I HAVE accomplished this week:

Found a new barn and moved Horse, where he will be outside IN A PASTURE almost 24/7 - bye, bye colic. Yay!

Found a new preschool and enrolled Wild Child...  {Yay! Why is that so stressful? It is.}

...and found out that there is an adopted Chinese girl in what will be Lyric's class (at the new preschool) when Lyric is ready to go play without Momma. Yay!

Oh, and those pesky Chinese Visas? Working on 'em. ARGH! )