Princess T

So, let's talk about Princess T. I love this part. This is a part of the story that just makes me shake my head in wonder... it's a part that I can NOT wait to share with Q-Boo (also to be known as "Lyric,"  I nickname everybody, get used to it.  :) )  This part of the story will probably be too long to tell in one week but that's okay, we'll get there.

Love Without Boundaries is an organization that provides help for orphans in China, they are not an adoption agency but many of their kids end up on the adoption list, also known as "the Shared List" (this list is put out by the orphanages through the Chinese government and is the official list of kids who are available for adoption- the adoption agencies have access to the Shared List and try to match their families to the kids.  It's all so confusing that I get bumfuzzled about it.)

 "We provide humanitarian aid in the following areas – Education, Foster Care, Healing Homes, Medical, and Orphanage Assistance – enabling children to receive families through adoption or to become self-sustaining members of their communities." - Love without Boundaries

They also have a Facebook page, LWB , where they keep running posts of their kids and updates on their progress. These pictures, for someone caught in the middle of the adoption process (and therefore totally out of control, :) ) are like heavy duty drugs. hahahahahaha  I couldn't stay away from them, especially in the beginning.

So, I'd sent  in our adoption paperwork and there was nothing else to do but wait (waiting and paperwork - the twin themes of adoption.)   I was scrolling through LWB's posts, My baby girl could be one of these kids.  It made me feel like I was doing SOMETHING to speed the process.

The brutal honest truth? I gotta tell you that I couldn't do this at first, there were picture after picture of kids who needed homes...I felt like I was at the dog pound, only these were CHILDREN (Ai Yi Yi!) - especially the "special needs" kids, some of those pictures were hard to look at. There were row after row of cribs, groups of kids, kids with cleft lips, kids missing arms and legs, hungry kids - the need was overwhelming.

How do you say, "no," when the need is so great?

How do you say, "yes,"  when you feel so overwhelmed?

(With China adoptions, you can do it one of two ways:  You can go the standard way to get a child who is young and healthy. This takes SIX years. OR, you can go the "special needs" route which greatly expedites the process  - 12 -18 months, on average.

I gotta tell you that I never saw myself as a "special needs" type of person. Nope, that was for saints and people with some depth of compassion that I did not possess.  Oh, no.

But, when you're fairly certain that you just HAVE to go down a certain path, you look for ways to succeed. I began to educate myself and found out that "special needs" did not, necessarily, mean what I'd envisioned. "Special needs"  just means "not 100%  perfectly healthy." In other words, webbed toes would be "special needs," as would minor heart problems which often repair themselves, as well as cleft lip/palate  -and many other surgically alterable needs. In fact, so many girls are wanted internationally in Chinese adoptions that being a boy can equal "special needs" and any child over the age of 1 is considered "special needs." According to this standard, my perfectly healthy biological kids could be considered "special needs." )

Picture after picture went by on my computer and I was thinking to myself, I feel so overwhelmed! and Where is she?  How do I find her in this big complicated mess? and, honestly,  These kids are cute but none of them feel like 'mine,' they all feel like strangers. How will I know WHEN I find her?

I was literally "point and clicking" my way quickly through the pictures when one picture caught my eye.   I stopped on it and scanned down to the name at the bottom, "Princess T." ( No, of course, that's not her real name but China will not allow real names to be released through a public website so she had an Americanized name and I A-Girl -ized it for this blog.)  There was something about her that spoke to me,

 Well, she's pretty!

Here she is, Princess T in all her glory - this is the actual picture that was on LWB's Facebook page (in fact, all pictures of her on this blog were first published on the LWB  site) :

I went back to flipping through the pictures and didn't think much else about it.

My 40th birthday arrived and I was SICK SICK SICK.  I lied in bed on what should have been the day of my 40th surprise party and felt sorry for myself.  I did my usual Facebook stuff and email stuff and then what? I was needy for news about the adoption and not liable to get any for a while.  So, I was camped out on my bed, once again looking through LWB's photos. One of the most recent posts was of Princess T in Hong Kong preparing for a 10 hour surgery THAT DAY. If it weren't for the name under the picture, I'm not sure I would have known that it was her, she'd grown quite a bit.  A 10 hour surgery?  This was one of the pictures:

It said this, next to her picture:  "Princess T has bladder exstrophy. Her bladder is outside her body. She also has other internal and orthopaedic issues. This little girl faces multiple challenges but has the chance of a forever family with our love and prayers helping her thru. Please pray for her."

Suddenly, I didn't feel so sick anymore- well, I felt guilty for thinking that the flu was "sick" when this beautiful little girl was fighting for her life, 1/2 way across the world.

I started researching "Bladder Exstrophy."

I'm not gonna lie, it is scary.

You can  check it out at  Wikipedia.

But, I was intrigued.

Eventually, I got up the nerve to Facebook message one of the LWB ladies who seemed to know something about Princess T's situation -she was WITH Princess T in Hong Kong the very first time that I spoke with her.  So, I started gathering info and I called my agency about finding Princess T on the adoption list if and when she should come out. I spent quite a while researching and emailing people and trying to figure out when it would be that she would come out and hoping beyond hope that our paperwork would be ready when she was. Meanwhile, I watched Princess T, through LWB, go through her surgery and heal and progress and I totally lost all fear of Bladder Exstrophy.

Here she is, post surgery: (I mean, really, could she BE cuter????? I don't think so!)

In fact, Princess T kept me going. Whenever, in the early days, that the process just seemed to be too much, I'd think of Princess T and then I could put a face with the process, there was a "someone" at the end of the process, not just a "maybe" and an "if." Incredibly, I also found a community of women, all experienced in International Adoption and all connected by our love of Princess T and other babies with Bladder Exstrophy.

The weeks passed, then the months - about 5 in all. I got my husband in on the deal.  I spoke to the head of my agency's China team about finding Princess T. We spent a while on the phone, several times. I'd been able to find out that Princess T's adoption papers were being released, they were getting closer and closer and closer to being on the list but we weren't sure where they were. My agency could do nothing until the papers were released to the Shared List and then my agency had to find her (out of about 1500 kids) and get to her file before another agency did. It was a long shot, at best, but one that I was really attached to. They were looking, I was waiting, but nothing.

Then, I got a phone call, my contact from our agency left me a message and I just KNEW from the sound of her voice,

"She's found my daughter!"

(to be continued)